Mini-Moments

I couldn't wait to take my daughters (and son) to see Wonder Woman and I finally did. At $12.50 a ticket, it was worth...every...cent. I think we all left the cinema feeling like we could accomplish anything! I believe movies depicting women as central, strong and having totally kick-ass adventures are more important than ever today. Consider this recent anecdote...I was in the pediatrician's office a few weeks ago with my 9-year old and, I kid you not, the three magazines on the waiting room table were Boys Life, Pregnancy Magazine, and Pregnancy & More. I'm sure this layout wasn't intentional but my daughter then turned to me and said "I feel like girls are only encouraged to become moms, like that's our main purpose in life.

 

But boys are encouraged to go discover and invent things, to have adventures and be amazing and brilliant." I don't know if she noticed the display but sadly, this IS the unspoken message our girls continue to receive on a regular, daily basis. If they don't have anyone verbally encouraging them to be amazing and brilliant, and they don't see any women around them discovering and inventing things, what ARE they to expect of themselves?

 

This is what I did with the kids this past New Years. We wrote what we wanted to say good-bye to from the last year on paper boats and released them in Lake Pinecrest. Because letting go of what you DON'T want makes space for what you DO want. YOU get to decide what your life will be like. YOU are in control. It's called self-confidence.

 

Try this with your girls - it's not too late! (Incidentally, we also mailed ourselves invitations for what we want more of in the coming year - setting the intention, people!)

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Our kids have been on fire lately, continually feeling the fear and doing it anyway. Our 7-year old made it to the NFL's Regional Punt, Pass & Kick Tournament, while our 9-year old dominates on the soccer field every weekend. Our littlest one is competing in his first Kung Fu tournament at age 5. Thinking about this the other day, I realized how the fear part really never does go away, even as adults, and it's all about what you do with that fear that matters.

 

Just last week, I gave my first talk to the National Charity League, sort of a last minute thing, and I was kind of nervous. But beforehand I walked myself through the same six pep-talk steps I do with my kids before they have a game, test, performance or even just an important play date or conversation.

 

Step 1: Notice how you're feeling and normalize it. e.g. Tell yourself, "It's totally normal to feel nervous."

Step 2: Remind yourself how you prepared or practiced. In my case, I rehearsed my speech a lot. Sometimes, preparation might just mean you got a good night's sleep. Step 3: Give yourself precise direction of what you should do, not what you shouldn't do. Again in my case, I told myself to smile and connect. You could also say "stay focused" or "stay calm".

Step 4: Trouble-shoot potential scenarios to warm up your brain.

Step 5: Give yourself a little ego-boost like "You're going to do awesome!" and

Step 6: Bring it all back home with some perspective, e.g. "In the end, you're reaching more people every day!" or "all that really matters is that you are loved."

 

I dare you to try these steps on yourself or your daughter for some important, upcoming event in your life. And please let me know how it goes!

 

This past week my son had a playdate at the park with a friend. At one point the friend became unconsolably upset. His mom tried everything to help him, e.g. asking him what's wrong, telling him to shake it off, trying to distract him, etc. etc. But nothing was working. He eventually did snap out of it but we never quite figured out what happened to change his mood so suddenly.

 

As his mom and I chatted, I recalled an important lesson about kids and confidence. And that's grounding. I noticed as she was trying to help her son, he seemed to be leaning in ... but she wasn't having it. Her body language was saying "suck it up" sort of speak and move on!

I asked her, "did you consider just giving him a hug to see if that made a difference?" And her reaction was, "oh my gosh, why didn't I think of that?"

 

Sometimes we do forget that a simple hug can do the trick, something like an emotional bandaid or kissing a physical boo boo. But even more importantly, kids need to feel connected to feel confident. We are their main grounding pole, and when attachment is off, they feel unplugged. Hugging and snuggling is often the only thing we need to do for our child in order for them to feel like we "get them" and they can conquer the world.

 

Teaching your child how to ground him or herself when you're not around is also critical to self-confidence. Please stay tuned for more on this...

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I was reminded today that confidence is not about the absence of fear. It's about feeling the fear and doing it anyway. Rock climbing with Elizabeth, she was very nervous and didn't want to go to the top. She did. And when she got down I said "Elizabeth you did it! You overcame your fear!" She replied, "I know! But I was still super scared!" And that's the lesson. Some people think that those with confidence never feel fear. But that's not true. They feel fear (or doubt, or self-pity...) just like the next person. But decide to not let it stop them.

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I've never totally gotten the whole American Girl Doll craze. Until tonight. Nana sent two to my daughters and they arrived about an hour ago. The girls have been playing with them nonstop when my oldest just exclaimed (these are her exact words): "I love my American Girl Doll! She's SO BEAUTIFUL! She looks JUST LIKE ME!"

 

My Maggie has expressed some body image issues in the past so to hear her say this really caught my attention.

 

I don't know if confidence-building was part of American Girl Doll's original plan. But the idea of girls choosing a doll that resembles them and who they are, as in, choosing to see the way they look and who they are as beautiful, is just genius. Call me an instant fan!!

We took a walk down the road this afternoon to visit Fancy the neighborhood horse and feed him some apples. The owner's daughter previously told us he liked to eat them whole. So my two kids each dropped an apple in his pen. But try as he might Fancy couldn't quite gum them into his mouth. Fancy is literally and figuratively long in the tooth. About 30 years old and teeth so overgrown he can't open his jaws wide enough to fit much other than mush. I know, sad. But wouldn't you know it, a second later, he stomped on one of the apples and made his own apple mush! Slopped up every last drop. Couldn't believe our eyes!

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So, that still left one uneaten apple (Elizabeth's) and it wasn't looking good. We started to leave. As we were walking away, she began whining "Fancy doesn't like me!" So, I said to her "Elizabeth, that's not true! You don't know what Fancy's thinking.

 

YOU CAN MAKE THIS MEAN ANYTHING YOU WANT IT TO. It could mean he's no longer hungry. It could mean he's saving it for later. It could mean he didn't see the other apple. Or it could mean he doesn't like you.

 

Which one are you going to choose?" After some silence, she started crying "I just wanted him to eat my apple." "Ok, now that's ok to be upset about. I understand. I'm sorry honey. But don't make yourself also feel badly by saying Fancy doesn't like you. Be nice to yourself. Ok?" "Ok Mama."

 

We've started a new module in our workshops called the Glasses Game and I'm finding myself using it a lot with my own kids too. It's about perspective and the many ways we see the world. In the game, girls or mother/daughter pairs take turns telling each other all about their day. Then they repeat the exercise telling each other the same exact things but wearing a pair of sunglasses (i.e. their "I choose" glasses) and prefacing each statement with "I choose".

 

The point of the exercise is for them to feel the difference between "having" to do something versus "wanting" to do it. Saying "I choose" before anything instantly feels more fun and light. But more importantly, when we feel like we are making our own choices and decisions, we feel more in control which in turn builds confidence. Point this out to kids and their faces light up.

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Inevitably, someone always asks me, "but I HAVE to brush my teeth," or "I HAVE to go to school." I don't have a choice! This is when I explain that the choice then is in your attitude. Are you going to brush your teeth thinking "this isn't fair"? or are you going to choose to think, "I want to take care of my teeth so I can eat more cookies" (this last thought compliments of my 7-year old!) You always have the power to put on your "I choose" glasses and see things a different way.

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Now, when I'm out with my kids running errands, etc. and they're getting kind of antsy, I just ask them to put on their "I choose" glasses and it usually changes everything!

 

MyGirl Coaching held its first Confidence Workshops last weekend and by all counts they were a total success! My daughter helped me lead the charge and I only hope that participants learned as much as we both did from the experiences.

 

That's not to say everything went perfectly or that I enjoyed every minute. In fact, I was completely unprepared for one thing in particular. In both workshops, there were a couple of girls that were very disruptive, silly, got us off-track several times and in general detracted from the learning of the rest of the group, especially the quieter girls. It was frustrating for me because I wanted so badly for everyone to hear every single thing I had to say! But instead I found myself disciplining, talking over their jokes and just trying to control the chaos.

 

Afterward when I got home, I quickly started looking on the computer for ways to handle "difficult" or "disruptive" students. And I kept coming up with things like how to help unmotivated kids, negative attitudes, etc. As I kept searching I had an epiphany. These girls weren't negative detractors. Quite the opposite, they were full of life. And social. And active. And wanting positive attention - for their humor. They were ... class clowns! And here's the real epiphany - I bet some were using their humor to cover up an insecurity or lack of confidence. Turns out they were in the right place afterall!

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I read a fascinating article in the Boston Globe Magazine last weekend in which Amy Baltzell, who directs the sports psychology graduate program at Boston University, gives advice on how to pep talk your kids. Already finding myself fumbling through these types of conversations with my own kids, I was instantly interested because who doesn't want to help their kids do their best in an event?

 

In general, Ms. Baltzell's guidance is to first ask your daughter how she's feeling and normalize it by telling her it's totally normal to be nervous, scared, etc. Next you review what practice and preparation she's done already. This focuses on your child's efforts (studying, practicing) instead of results (winning, succeeding) which helps her develop a growth mindset to believe her potential to improve and succeed. Then inquire about specific things she's nervous about and what tricks she uses to help her. This warms her brain up for the task ahead and is priming her for success. Finally, you tell her to keep things in perspective and at the end of day you love her no matter how things turns out.

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I tried these steps in a small way yesterday when my 5-year old told me she was scared to go to soccer practice because she'd missed the previous week's practice. I immediately thought of this article and said, "That's totally normal to feel nervous." Next I reminded her that all of the running and playing she'd been doing during her time off will serve her well. Then I asked her what moves she remembered from last soccer practice and she immediately started listing them off. I didn't ask her what she's specifically nervous about because I could already hear the confidence rising in her voice. She ended up having a super practice!

 

Ever since I heard an NPR piece the other day about rejection therapy, I've been dying to write about it. The story detailed one man's journey to overcome his fear of rejection by staring it in the face on a daily basis. Turns out he was practicing what's termed in psychotherapy as exposure therapy.

 

He basically challenged himself to get rejected by another person at least once every day. What he found in the process turned his perception of reality totally on its head by retraining himself to want to be rejected! By doing this with social fears we realize that much of what we're afraid of can't harm us at all and the fears are based on stories we tell ourselves but can choose to no longer listen to.

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I can't help but think of this idea of over-exposure in the context of confidence-building and fear of failure. And how to help our kids see failure as a good thing rather than be destroyed by it. To learn how to be a "loser" in the sense of being able to find the reward in our efforts and not just focus on the result. Because the reality is we're going to technically lose more often in our lives than win, e.g. only one team wins the series, etc.

 

I also re-read a great article the other day about how training our kids to see difficult challenges at school as fun and exciting and easy things as boring will develop their growth mindset. The goal to continuously seek out growth is key to lifelong success no matter what your pursuit.

 

Something I'm not used to doing is planning ahead for the holidays. I usually start late and this year was no different. Our family even took a 3-week vacation returning on December 5! Back at home, some of my friends were already done wrapping presents and mailing cards...I hadn't started my shopping. I was stressed.

 

But, unlike most years, I went to a holiday brunch and the guest speaker there talked about something that actually struck a chord with me - setting intentions for the season. Now, I'm all about setting intentions for other events in my life. But I'd never done it for Christmas before. Arguably one of the happiest times of the year, the holidays are also very lonely, hectic and hard.

 

People don't openly talk about these aspects, but without fail they creep up and in. Rushing around trying to get it all done, we may find the "perfect" gift for someone but if it's not derived of and delivered with love, something's lost. It misses. And we feel empty somehow too. I don't want that to happen this year.

 

So I've set the intention to not let the stress get to me. Not let it make me short with my kids and husband. Not lose my much-needed sleep. And not drive myself crazy which only I can really do to myself. The presents and cards will be fine. It's the feelings that matter more. And guess what? It's working. Now this kind of planning ahead I can get used to!

 

I need only to watch my 7 and 5 year old daughters play a game of monopoly to notice the vastly different world views they hold and wonder to myself which will be served better in life.

 

My older one is passionately attached to every move, every roll of the dice, and every property bought or sold. And the game is an unending emotional rollercoaster for her. She plays all out. To the contrary, my younger daughter is happily unattached. She's fine with whatever happens. Her attention is split between strategic moves and cartwheels. And funnily, she's winning. At this point, I can only wonder what the future holds for them!

 

Something I think about a lot is how to help my girls appreciate taking risks and potential failure and how the ability to let yourself fail actually builds self-confidence. For kids there’s lots of pressure to succeed, so much that they may not even try in the first place.

 

So how do we teach them to see failure as a good thing? Some platitudes you've heard before: if you learned from it you did not fail; success is about gaining experience to get you closer to your ultimate goal; the only way to fail at anything is to not try; you don’t have to be the best, just try your best.

 

These are all well and good but, at the risk of sounding redundant, I actually think helping kids to embrace failure is all about modeling. If you want to teach your kids to value it for real, start by sharing with them where you have failed. Tell them how you overcame whatever it was and what you learned from that experience. Or maybe you didn't overcome it and gave up. Tell them about that too. You were once a child and should know that kids (below a certain age!) pretty much think their parents are perfect. So, knowing you did not succeed the first time at everything is going to mean more to them than any platitude.

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I'm also not just talking about past failures. Share the current ones too and what you're doing about them. Maybe make it a habit to celebrate every day's failures at dinnertime. Take turns telling everyone about a problem you solved that day, what you did to figure it out, and how you overcame unexpected blips. Or maybe you're still knee deep in it, haven't found the answer, but are persisting in your quest! Soon enough they'll start to get that failing is part of the process, moves you forward not backward and makes you better and stronger in the long run.

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At our dinner table, we've begun sharing the puzzles, problems and mysteries solved each day but I haven't specifically incorporated the failure piece. I will though and will be sure to let you know how it goes!

 

Like many kids her age, my 6-year old was resisting doing her homework, which she'd characterized as boring with a capital B. So I thought I might try some 'balance coaching' to help her see another side.

 

Balance coaching is when someone stuck in a particular perspective tries viewing an issue through a different lens in hopes of some clarity and forward movement. I use this technique all the time with my clients so I thought, heck why not try it with my kid?

 

So I asked Maggie to tell me about something she enjoys, and she picked a recent play date with a friend. I said "Now tell me what you liked about the play date, as in qualities to describe it." She came up with "fun," "not boring," "having company," and "someone to hang out with when mommy's too busy." I could tell this last one was especially important to her.

 

So then I said, "Well Maggie, what about trying to see your homework as a friend - fun, not boring, having company and someone to hang out with?" And that's just about all it took because she was off and running naming her pencil Writey and her homework Bob. And I kid you not, the following week she completed her homework 2 days early!

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Now, with adults, shifting perspective is usually not so quick and easy, although it can be sometimes. The beauty of coaching young children lies in their simplicity and willingness to go with you where ever you try to take them.

 

Want to balance coach your own kids? All you have to do is ask him/her about something meaningful and then apply those qualities to the issue at hand. Let me know if you try this...I'd love to hear how it went for you!!

 

In my ongoing effort to build my girls' confidence, I ask them regularly what's one brave thing you did today? The hope being of course that they learn to recognize even the smallest feats.

 

But yesterday, I was the one learning a lesson. When I asked my usual question, my oldest replied "nothing really" and I instantly started searching for possibilities to hand them. I decided to capitalize on the only extraordinary thing we had done that day ... going to the theater. And I said "well, you went to see a new movie other than Frozen (yes we’ve seen it three times ...) And you carried the popcorn all the way for the first time in the dark and didn’t spill!" (really grasping)

 

As usual, Maggie kept me on my toes. "Mom, doing NEW things isn't the same as doing BRAVE things." Hmm, I thought. Is that true? And I started to start to defend myself. But you know, I think she’s right. New and brave may be one and the same sometimes but not always. Really, a brave act is when you’re at least a little bit scared. By this definition, seeing a new movie and carrying popcorn definitely don’t qualify.

 

But the bigger lesson I learned is how kids have the ability to see right through our empty praise! And especially when it’s for normal or expected behavior. Kids really only want credit where credit is due. In fact, false praise could even have the unintended consequence of lowering their expectations of themselves and I don’t want to do that.

 

So here’s to kids teaching us lessons, to the brave and not so brave things, to knowing the difference and to accepting that neither have to happen every day. What did your kid teach you today?​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

 

I'm sure I'm not the first person to think of this BUT today, after my 6-year brushed off a compliment from her little sister (stop it Elizabeth! you're making me feel weird!)

 

I said, "let me tell you something, Maggie, whenever someone gives you a compliment, you always say thank you. No matter what. Otherwise the other person might think you don't appreciate it. It's just like when you get a present from someone, you ALWAYS say thank you, right? So, just think of it as a verbal present!"

 

Not bad? I have to say, sometimes I come up with some good ones!

 

Girls can be mean. I didn’t think it could happen this young, but I feel like my youngest daughter is being bullied at preschool. Perhaps it's unintentional, or partly excusable as normal behavior for this age as kids learn to assert their dominance.

 

All I know is my little Elizabeth never wants to go to school, comes home deflated every day, and is obsessed with whatever this one particular child does or says to her. Yesterday she came home sulking, "Everybody was mean to me today, no one wanted to play to me, it was the worst day ever." Once we sat down and talked about it, I realized it wasn't "everybody" but just this one girl. "Well, what is she saying or doing to you Elizabeth?" I asked. "She’s stealing Amanda away from me and then won’t let me play with them."

 

Hmmm, the usual guilty suspects with women - exclusion and the silent treatment. Some would argue this isn’t bullying. But I see it as a spectrum and in my book anyone who makes you feel shameful is a bully. So, we talked about what her responses have been and what the teachers have told her to do, e.g., call her out on it, remind her of playground rules, tell the teacher, go find someone else to play with.

 

But what really seemed to resonate was when I asked her, "So Elizabeth, what do you look for in a friend?” She replied very quickly "Haley." 

"Well, what is Haley like?" "Fun, kindful (an Elizabeth original), adventurous, likes to do what I want to do first." "Well, great then," I said. "Now don't you want to play with someone who makes you feel good instead of bad?" "Yes."

 

Then I told her a little story about when I was younger (not as young as 4, but nonetheless.) I said, "When I was in junior high school, all of the girls who I thought were my friends decided that I wasn't cool enough anymore and wouldn't hang around with me. It was hard and it made me feel sad. But you know what? That's when I found my new friends. And those same girls are still my friends to this day." When I finished my story, Elizabeth just wrapped her arms around me and gave me the biggest bear hug ever!

 

Our brilliant 6-year old already has her share of demons. This weekend, she came to me and said "Mommy, I’m a bad girl." Normally, I would sympathize with her and say something along the lines of "No you’re not!" which would get us nowhere as she’d refute every piece of evidence I'd point toward to the contrary.

 

But this time, I decided not to engage in the debate (sometimes people are just going to think what they’re going to think, you know?) and instead I said, "Honey, what does it do for you to tell yourself you’re a bad girl? What's the point? I mean, what does it get you?" To which she quite honestly replied, "It gets me hugs and kisses." (God I love my Maggie.) So then I said, "Well, why don’t you just ask for hugs and kisses if you want them?" Again, honest reply, "Because it's so embarrassing!" Then I stated "Oh, I disagree. I think it shows great strength and courage to ask for what you want and need." Pause. Thoughtful look. "Mommy, can I have some hugs and kisses?"

 

On Monday I had an inspiring conversation with Joey Phillipi whose mission is to build women’s confidence through creating community. Part of her vision is based on the premise that we become whom we surround ourselves with. Think child who never chases her dreams because of her conservative family. Or young adult who limits her goals because all her friends are settling (in career, love life, etc.) Misery loves company. But so does confidence.

 

If you really want to be more confident in your life, it is essential that you:

1. limit your time with people who lack self-confidence; and

2. find people who build you up.

 

If the first step is not realistic - for example, a negative family member always shoots down your ideas - have the smarts to at least not tell them your delicate hopes and dreams. On point #2, go find your tribe. True confidence cannot exist in a vacuum and, in order for it to grow and flourish, you also need community to support you in all of your possibility. Before talking to Joey, I already knew it was important to build my circle. But I think I underestimated its unique power.

 

Self-confidence is a personal journey for sure. But it might be equally important to share passions and goals with others and receive the encouragement to keep going. I'm already experiencing this shift every day as I reach out to other people in my field. As a result, I think my approach to helping women and girls grow their confidence is starting to change too.

 

I've focused on one-on-one coaching in the past. Now, I'm realizing that the relationships people build with like-minded others through group or partnership work can make the personal quest for confidence even more possible, sustainable and successful.

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What do you think?

 

So many great programs exist today expressly to help build the next generation of girls. I live in the San Francisco Bay Area and we are teeming with them! And last year before moving cross-country, I coached a group of 8-10 year olds in Virginia through the amazing Girls on the Run (GOTR) organization which uses fitness to empower youth. It is truly something to behold when you see the transformation made by some of these kids right before your very eyes.

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However, I'm finally realizing that what I really feel passionate about is not just how to build girls self-confidence in general and through outside, external programs and activities. But rather how to make this kind of work more internal, at home and personal. The program leader? Well that would be the one and only queen of queens role-model in that little (or maybe no longer little) girl's eyes - you. The way I see raising confident girls is for moms everywhere to start walking the talk of what it means to truly be a confident woman. Your daughter is looking to you for guidance first and foremost. She is taking your lead. And you will always be a major part of her circle of influence.

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Maybe some of you think you're already setting a good example for your daughter and that's wonderful. Please, please, please keep up this super important work. But others of you know that you could somehow be more confident in your life. For those of you, I invite you to close your eyes and picture in your mind the sweet, open, innocent face of your daughter. Maybe she's 12. Maybe she's only 2. Or 22. But just visualize her in all her possibility, all of her glory, maybe doing something that she loves, loves, loves to do. Smiling, laughing. Maybe you're in the back yard. Playing a sport. Or in the living room. And occasionally she looks to you sitting off to the side for some sign of approval, safety and guidance.

 

Now imagine her stopping what she is doing and making her way over to you...maybe crawling, walking or running, or even cart-wheeling! Settling in next to you, she looks up again with that face of openness and possibility. You can see it in her eyes ... she needs you to be more confident in some way or area of your life. And this time not just for you. For her. And you know it too. Tell me, what is that way? This is where you start.

 

For mothers, our daughters are watching our every move. At all times we are teaching them how to be or not to be confident women in the world. We have an absolute duty and responsibility to model for them. Part of this modeling is to remain open-minded. What I mean by this is that our daughters' best version of themself may not be the same best version WE have in mind for them. Our job is not to guide them into becoming mini-us. Rather, our role is to help open their eyes to what it is to be a woman living confidently on purpose.

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Expose your daughter to a variety of strong, passionate women in a variety of settings, doing many different things. If she likes art, bring her to your artist friend's studio. Maybe politics is appealing? Take her on a trip to meet her congressional representative. Or if she loves helping people, hand-deliver examples of local soup kitchen organizers, therapists, nurses, etc. Let your daughter decide what the best version of herself is. And you will be appreciated for truly great modeling!

 

This week I had an a-ha moment: confidence is like working out your body. The tools? build, maintain, recover. Once you learn these tricks, you're on your way. But don't be fooled into thinking confidence is a final state or goal to be someday reached. Rather, it's a path we choose and it's always ever changing.

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Self-confidence enables us to do and be all that we are meant for in this world. Some people are born with a healthy dose. For others, it is learned, refound, developed. In this way, I believe confidence is a choice. We have the ability to choose it. I also believe that at a fundamental level confidence is about trust. Not of others - but trust of ourselves. Once we learn and choose to trust ourselves, anything is possible.

 

What does it mean for you to self-trust?

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While not the same thing, they are often spoken of synonymously. No doubt the two go hand in hand but you can also have low esteem with high confidence and vice versa. Self-esteem is really about one's sense of self-worth and is probably best addressed in private therapy. Self-confidence, however, is about the ability to be or do what you want in life.

 

Makes great fodder for coaching! What is it that you want to be or do?

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What a sweet experience today talking to my daughter's 4-year old pre-school class during career week on what it means to be a Confidence Coach. I am both struck and humbled by the capacity of these little souls to comprehend and embrace such important concepts at a young age. I was also humbled by my daughter's comment afterward - "Mom, but why can't you do something cool like be a doctor or a fireman?" Hey, at least I gave out stickers - I thought that was pretty cool!

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The moment was especially moving because I had looked forward to the day when I could proudly tell my children what it is I do for a living. In my previous job I'm pretty sure I wasn't making a noticeable difference and this tore me up inside because I felt like a hypocrite. I wanted so much more for my girls. It would literally bring tears to my eyes imagining having to one day admit I did not follow my heart, soul and gut.

 

Luckily my kids were still very young and I've made the changes I needed to since. My daughter's teacher came up to me after class and said that my presentation was so great, that the kids all totally got it and that it now made sense to her why my girls are the way they are, so well-adjusted and confident. Now, if that isn't making a difference, I'm not sure what is.

I recently learned from a master coach that the word confidence comes from the Latin confido - con (with), fid (faith), in deo (God). With faith in God. I love this translation because it’s still so relevant today. Whether you're religious or not, figure out who/what your God is (a higher power, universal energy, yourself, etc.) and trust in it. Make the choice to believe.

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You're not getting promoted. You can't seem to find the right relationship. The simplest decisions become arduous. You're not enjoying your life like you want to. Has it occurred to you that low self-confidence may be holding you back? This is SO normal and SO common.

 

But don’t waste another second of your life not feeling confident. Instead of looking to what’s wrong or needs fixing, change things up by focusing on what's right and possible. Even better, start now by asking yourself these three questions:
 

1. Who do you want to be?

2. How do you want to feel?

3. What impact do you want to have?

 

Learn to manifest your confidence no matter where, what, when or how.

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